Tuesday, May 26, 2015

How do you define you?

I have been lacking time and energy to keep up with the posting, but with DSM gymnastics on a break it's time to get talking again. I have been keeping up with the news in Finland and more than one friend of mine is struggling with lay offs and job losses. I feel for them and can realte well to financial struggles that they might be having. This has gotten me thinking thinking of why am I so much happier here than I was with my life in Finland, because on paper I definitely got the short end of the stick.

this little guy takes away all the worries of the world... it does, really, he is magical, as is his big brother

Let's compare.

In Finland
1) new house designed with anything and everything we wanted
2) nice, well paying job
3) new Nissan qashquai +2 car
4) 2.0 kids and a husband
5) new phones, ipads, clothes, whatever we wanted at our fingertips

In Tanzania
1) small 2 bedroom rented apartment, BTW no oven
2) couple of companies to run to make ends meet
3) used Nissan Safari car - (that is currently in the garage for the fourth month because the insurance we had for it turned out to be fake)
4) 2.0 kids and husband (some things have not changed)
5) still struggling to find most of the things that belonged to my everyday life in Finland

During my journey into the life of an immigrant I have learned some things that might have been self evident to others but were not for me.

Money does not define me. My bank account does not define me. And by the way it is very liberating to say that sorry, can't afford that now, rather than trying to pretend that I can. Money is just money: "pieces of papers with numbers on it" -Buffy (:P)

Who I am, how my children look at me defines me. Working on projects that might make loads of money some day but are at the start up level for now makes me happier, and more content than anything else. The fact that I can work around my kids schedule, and be there for them while they are still small gives me happiness beyond anything else. Yes having less money to work with gets irritating - and at the same time "normal" things for me are super duper expensive. But in the end, does it matter?? Does having less money here make me lesser me somehow??? 

Every once in a while I take a step back and think if I made the right choice. I sit down, go through a relaxation exercise and when I have brushed away the stresses of every day life I ask myself. If tomorrow would be the last day of my life, would I be living it here doing this or go back to Finland and sell insurances. (Of course if it was the last day I would spend it with all my loved ones but you get the idea...) I always always always choose this life over that. I am not saying that this is the life for us forever, but this is THE life for us for now. So happier me is worth a millon euros more than the actual million euros on the bank account would. I'll get the money someday. I hope. <3 font="">