Ninaitwa Maiju

Living life in Tanzania has had a strange effect on me. The things that I value the most are changing. Actually strike that. I believe my values have always been the same, just that the external pressure I felt in our previous life geared me away from those values.

Here in Tanzania, you are easily defined by external factors. I am a wife. I am a mother. I get frequently called Mama Julius or Äiti. So much so that on some days I feel like screaming that my name is Maiju. I am more than a wife and a mother. I also get called "mzungu" - a white person a lot. My Finnish friend brought it up the other day when we were fabric shopping (OMG! That is a whole other story - the beauty of print fabrics), she asked me if it bothers me to be called that. And it does. I don't walk around the streets pointing to every person and calling them black. Who does that. And yet in this country people don't mean it in an offensive way. Or so I am told. I shrug it off most of the time, but...

The interesting thing is that in this country of many definitions, I am still more in touch with who I am. And who I am is starting to resemble a lot the little girl I once was. Does that mean that my true self is emerging again or does that mean that I am just so tired working mother of two that I no longer care to pretend ;). Who knows, but so far I am liking it!!