Wednesday, December 25, 2013

MAX IS KAX

My darling beautiful baby boy: Max. 


He is turning two in less than thirty minutes and I can NOT believe it. He is the bravest kid I have ever met. Always ready to try new things and so deeply determined if he decides to do or learn something. That saying about going through a stone to get something - that is purely Max. I always playfully call him Maximum trouble. He is seriously going to keep me on my toes for the next couple of decades (takes after his uncle Miikka), but he also has the purest little heart (also like his uncle Miikka). My mom saw the picture of him climbing on top of the play-kitchen and said it reminded her of the trouble my brother used to get into. 




The guy has energy like no one else. At the moment we are trying to learn how to deal with disappointments - his approach is to throw everything and anything in sight. I’d love for him to learn to take it in and express it with words… Maybe after few years we will master this skill. In the meanwhile, I’ll just have to keep him busy. He loves anything physical, and is clearly at the level of three to four year olds when it comes to running, jumping and climbing. Or at the level of a 30 year old bodybuilding man when it comes to eating. :)


But then when I come home from work or a meeting he runs to me and holds me so tight and makes sure I will never leave him. Precious. 

Or when there is only one candy left and both he and J want it, he will give it to his big brother, just because. Adorable. 

Sometimes when he has trouble sleeping he will hold my whole arm and squeeze it so tight until he finds his sleep. My hand always ends up going numb, but I don’t care. Priceless.



Max. At two years old you are really what your name is. Maximum energy, trouble, love and happiness, maximum everything. I really hope you have some slow african genes in you too, because otherwise I will be in trouble in the future. You love balls, any kind. Footballs, balloons, glass balls hanging in mummu’s chandelier… And you love to climb and jump and do anything and everything. As your second birthday draws close you are becoming such a big boy. We still don’t hear that much talking, personally I think you’re just too busy to say anything. But you know how to get the message through even if you don’t use words. Food, more, give me, kiss and love you so so much. You know all the necessary ones. I can’t wait to see how your blossom under the african sun. I love you so much my son. Happy happy 2nd birthday!


Saturday, December 21, 2013

PARTY TIME….

Max is turning two on Christmas day and today it was time to celebrate it. As always, I try to arrange something the birthday boy loves to do. For Max’s birthday we hit the gymnastics hall. The theme was the little minions from Despicable me. And the party was amazing. So many kids enjoying anything and everything a gym can offer…


Thank you for everyone who was there, I know you must all be busy this time of year!
Full post on the birthday boy later on…

Monday, December 9, 2013

What to Do?

House wife stories..

I arrived home after traveling for 30 hours to a house of chaos. Tonny was sick during his single-parent week.. Not an easy deal at all. But needless to say, when that happens you just go to survival mode of feeding, dressing and loving the kids. Laundry, no. Cleaning, no. Staying alive, yes. So, I was greeted with a mess and then some. But also with kids that were happy and loving and full of energy, and with no trace of missing mama for a week. Peace of mind since I had been feeling guilty about being away for so long. Thank you my love for keeping them safe. <3 font="">

Lists, lists, lists. The house is full of lists. We are moving with luggage only just after Christmas. What to take with, what to buy still: medicines, laundry soaps, lotions, toys.. Visa applications, canceling internet etc etc.. The amount of things to do is endless... I will breathe when I arrive with the boys safely to tz. Argh! 

Sunday consisted of shopping rolls of paper and some boxes (kids stuff in tz, I'm obsessed about giving them the best room possible, shallow I know, but for a control freak, it's something I can focus my energy on) and it was lunch time at meatball world (also known as ikea). Since after months of waiting my order for extra hands is yet to arrive I told the guys to sit at the table while I went to queue for the food. J is three, M is not even two. And they DID. And ate their food, went to wash their hands and took their plates away and all this WITHOUT asking. I was wondering if someone switched my kids with robots when I was hunting for the food. PRIDE. (But soon forgotten since five minutes later they were running the empty hallways pretending to be airplanes. ) For a second there I thought I have done something right ;)

Today was the first day of being a stay-at-home mom vol. 2. Did we have a lazy morning and just enjoyed, yes, but for two minutes and then I had to clean the car and run around like crazy person until seven o'clock tonight. Maybe tomorrow will be different, maybe next week... Maybe when we have finally settled in DSM.

Goodnight!


Thursday, December 5, 2013

It's done.

Before I ran out the door and into the bus that would take me to the airport I finally submitted my thesis for evaluation. Now I only need to present it and get my grade. I love doing presentations, so this part is the easy part. Oh wow, I might actually get my masters degree!!!

At the moment I'm freezing in Brazil and Tonny is staying with the boys. We ended up having like 22 hours together on the same continent. Luckily in less than a months time, we will all be together in Dar es Salaam. I have seen some crazy gymnastics over here. In some cases I am struggling to find any deductions. (Little bit different to the normal judging in Finland.) Brazilians and Russians are fighting hard for the medals. With England and France not far behind. The Finnish girls did good also. Almost everyone stuck their routines, and even though the competition is tough, we have two reserve spots for the finals. Yay! Go Finland. Gymnastics will be one thing that I will miss while staying in Tanzania, I have to check if there are any good competitions on that continent that I could go and judge. 


I miss my boys terribly, the way Max takes my hand when something is making him nervous, and the way whenever there is something good going, on Julius' face lights up like nothing else. Three nights to go and I'm a full time mom and a wife. 



Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Challenge me...

It took me a while, but finally I got some time to focus my head around this.
Kultarannikon kulkija, Lotta, to me challenged me with this.. well challenge.

Rules:
- thank the challenger
- tell 11 facts about yourself
- answer 11 questions that the challenger set for you
- come up with 11 questions for the people you will challenge
- choose 11 bloggers
- tell who have you chosen
- no sending it back

Thank you Lotta, :P I don’t have 11 people to challenge, but I’ll do my best with the rest.

11 facts about me:

1. I’m afraid of the darkness

I know, I’m 31, and yet… The noises that I hear when everyone is sleeping..
It is safe to say I don’t like going outside when its dark, which makes it impossible to move around this time of year in Finland. I stay safe inside with my candles. 

2. I hope to adopt a child some day.

I am well aware that I’ve been more than blessed with my two little boys. I’m hoping God will bless me with others too, some day. I’ve had a feeling for a long time that maybe that baby will come to us through adoption. Maybe. I hope.

3. Sometimes when the boys are fighting, I let them.

I keep them safe, but sometimes I feel like they will “fight it out” faster without me interfering. I secretly (well I guess not secretly anymore) feel insecure about this, but at the same time want them to learn how to come up with common ground by themselves. And they do. And I read in a book this is ok to let them to do this. And yet, I’m not sure.

4. My dream is to save the world.

I KNOW. Not possible. But maybe I’ll be able to save someones world someday.

5. I believe that I have a Guardian Angel that is looking after me.

There is.

6. My biggest fear in life is regrets.

I don’t want to be old and saying I could’ve, should’ve, would’ve but…

7. My funny passion in life is conflict resolution

In times of trouble I just want to get in there and fix it. 
Which is bad sometimes, since people need to have the space to fix their own situations. I don’t even want to think what kind of a mom I will be when the boys are bigger and start having life-issues. I guess I should focus on changing this attribute…

8. I focus on being happy

I believe that this is the only life we have. And I just want to be happy. Being true to myself to figure out what makes me happy isn’t always that easy, but I’m learning…

9. I started eating organic food this summer

I feel better. Julius feels better. So for now I see it as a benefit for us and the nature.

10. I’m learning to say no sometimes.

I like to help and as I said I love to fix things. It’s hard to say no when someone asks help. Sometimes you just have to.

11. I love the feeling after a good workout when your muscles hurt so much that you can barely work.

Did gymnastics for 15 years. Enough said. :)

The questions:


1. Linkitä kappale, joka kuvastaa sinua ja elämääsi juuri nyt. Perustelut.

A song that describes my life just now. I have to post two:

Strong describe my struggles during this time that I’ve stayed alone with the kids. It’s hard. But I guess it doesn’t necessarily show…


Anna’s version of JukkaPoika kylmästä lämpimään just fitted how I feel about my life now.. I miss Tonny and I’m so going there…. NOW :P

2. Elokuva, joka kosketti kovaa? Perustelut.
I seriously don't have one. I like to watch easy movies that take me out of this reality. Happy endings <3 :="" a="" at="" but="" grown="" is="" it="" moment="" nbsp="" of="" ot="" relaxing="" the="" up="" very="" way="">

 
3. Tunnistatko itsessäsi jotakin ennakkoluuloja? Mitä?

Prejudice. I think we all have them, it's just some of us show it more than the others.
I still struggle with the fact that doing something in a different way, does not mean someone does it wrong.
4. Rohkein tekosi? 

Dealing with angry parents at gymnastics... But also what were about to do, packing up the family and moving to tz.

5. Lempipaikkasi? (SR:ltä kierrätetty kysymys.)

Zanzibar. Perfectly clean white powder beach, hanging in a hammock under a palm tree shade...

6. Onko bloggaaminen aina itsensä korostamista?

Yes. But in a good way. For the ones that it's not a way of making money I find it's more of an interactive journaling.
But it is about you, your life. It takes courage to tell the harsh reality about everything, those blogs are harder to find. Whether you write for you own pleasure or as a way to inspire people it's still about finding a way to express yourself. 

7. Mistä valitit viimeksi? Miksi?

Sonera customer service. It sucked.

8. Mistä olet ylpeä suomalaisessa kulttuurissa?

I'm proud that Finnish people are proud of their nationality, language and history. The Finnish sisu.
It might seem like something natural, but unfortunately at least in Tanzania I see too much admiration for Europe, USA and English language. It's sad.

9. Mitä olet tehnyt tehdäksesi maailmasta vähän paremman paikan?

Not enough. Loved my kids. Given away small clothes. Recycling. Eating organic. No shopping for clothes since June (just me not the little guys, and I relapsed and bought two long sleeve tshirts because I was freezing)

10. (Valo)kuva (itsestäsi), josta pidät erityisen paljon? Näytä/kuvaile se ja kerro mikä siinä viehättää/voimauttaa.
I know, Julius is in this too. (gosh he was so small...) But I feel like this photo shows exactly who I am the love I have for my little guys. When I held Julius for the first time, I got a sense of beloning, I knew why I was put on this earth. Being a mother is who I am. I don't believe in losing yourself once you have kids, I still have my hobbies, I have my aspirations and dreams, just as me, but I know I am a good mom to my kids, and I want to be a great mom for them. Even if I don't reach any other dreams, I've done good in life.
11. Kuka sinä oikeasti olet?

I am me. A Mother. And a wife. Someone who wants to change the world, even if it is just mine.

Questions

1. What is your first memory?
2. What is your biggest regret?
3. Where are you now?
4. Where would you want to be now?
5. What is your greatest accomplishment?
6. Where do you want to be in ten years time?
7. What is the favorite part of your body?
8. When did you meet your best friend?
9. What is the best advice you've been given?
10. What is your guilty pleasure?
11. What is the one thing you want to do before you die?

As I said I don't have eleven people to challenge. I'm still very new to this blogging world :) But I'll challenge the ones that I know. Eevi,  Finnaussity, Emppu, Fanni. Two of these have been very inactive, so maybe it will motivate them since I love to read their stories :0). And please if you have some recommendations I'd love to find something new to read. 

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Me, myself and my hair

It’s been a problem for a while now. My hair that is. After being pregnant (with 9 visits/ day to greet the toilet bowl) and nursing, then all that at once, and then nursing again, for about three years in a row it just gave up. Even after a year since I stopped breastfeeding Max it just has not recovered.

But I wanted it long. And it was. 



But not very happy. So I decided that I should do something, take a little off, and at the same time try the energy cut the Eco-hairdressers do. That should help I thought. Alas, no. It did not. What it did was leave me with three different cuts in one head. I had the short hair that is growing (yay) to replace all the lost ones during the pregnancy-nursing-process, a weird middle set that I have no idea why she cut it like that, and weird long neck hair. Needless to say, I will not try that again for a while. 

It’s been two months since that and it just hasn’t settled, and hasn’t stopped bothering me. At the same time my mom kept complain that my hair is falling of too much and does not look healthy at all. So I gave up and decided to take action.

The hair is off. I don’t know if I’m happy with this, but at least it is far far far healthier and ready to grow into a normal cut instead of the weird siamese triplet thing I had going on before.

After the hair dresser (maybe not so much my style…)



Turned outwards:



Small wave on one side:



What is going on with these wrinkles??? Seriously I look worse than the fifty-year-olds at the office..



It’s done. No idea how will I look like tomorrow morning, but at least I can soon escape to Tanzania - no one will know me there :P


Friday, November 1, 2013

Halloween boys..

Armed with flashlights and costumes the cuties were ready to go to daycare today...

Let me introduce to you:



MAX the BUILDER

FIREMAN-JULIUS



Pure cuteness at Missokia residence today morning <3>

Counting days...

15 days to go at work. I feel like my life is in a holding pattern. Should be doing this and that, but then again is it too soon? Today I made a list of arts&craft things that I want to take with us when we go. I spent 5 weeks last summer entertaining the kids with five pens, one coloring book, old newspapers and (medicine)tape. Don't get me wrong, these things do exist in Tanzania too, but the price on imported products is so high. And I suck at arts&crafts. I know some people can create anything from anything, but for me its just too difficult. I've been told at daycare that both kids love painting, cutting, glueing, putting pins etc. So I've made a resolution that I will try to do something with them while we are in Tanzania since I'll be enjoying the guys' company every day all day. At least we can go to the beach and pick things to do the arts with. And I'll enjoy that part :).

At the same time I've also been going through closets, it is fun and suprisingly hard at the same time. Many memories, old friends, gymnastics stuff etc. The silly things that I did during school years. I wish I could have a talk with Maiju at sixteen or even eighteen. She would've needed a boost in confidence. She should've been told to live to the fullest, and reach for the stars. But at the same time I love my life now, so maybe everything that I have experienced was meant to be. And meant for me.

Life is changing again. I might be the only person in the world who loves changes. At work, home, everywhere. I always see it as an opportunity to grow and become something better. I just hope that the little guys will adapt to the change with as little problems as possible.

November 25 my calendar says: "The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do." That's the first day off work for me and the beginning of a new life cycle.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Date Night

I how I wish I had the luxury of going on a date with my lovely hubby but he is still far far away and I have to wait for that until after Christmas. So, the next oldest Missokia "took" me out :). This is what he does 95% of the time:



So when he got tickets to go and see Pikkukakkonen concert for his birthday he was overjoyed. The concert was yesterday night at Tampere-talo. We have been to some Fröbelin palikat concerts but they are always at some school gym, so this was the first time going to a proper concert hall. Jaana and her little cutie Hugo joined us too. It was filmed by Yle also, but I really hope the camera didn't catch us since I was rocking the tired mama look a bit too much. It was nice to be just the two of us, and while we missed little Max, it gave me a glimpse of how life would have been with only Julius around. Whether it is a good thing or not (I say yes, but that's just me) he has had to become more independent and more self-sufficient than if I could only focus on him. I noticed that I was serving him far more, than I normally do, because it's just impossible since my attention is divided between the two. Julius is older, so most of the time it is Max who gets help for example in getting dressed while J takes care of himself. I wouldn't change it though even if I had the option to go back. They love each other so much, and I can just imagine the teenage years when Max will be getting in trouble and J will be the to back him up - and vice versa.

But thanks for the night out my little dude :) 


at the concert hall... What on earth happened to my hair????


J man









Sunday, October 20, 2013

The BEST best friend of the world

When I was two years old my parents built us a beautiful home in Hervanta. The area wall full of little kids and quite fast we were a group of girls growing up together. While I've lost touch with every other person from that group I have always had Jaana by my side.

We shared our first day of school together, playing horses on our back yard, gossiping about boys and talking how cute is the one next door. She kept me sane when I was doing gymnastics every day - she was still there while others got frustrated of me always being away. When were we teenagers my parents were always happy if Jaana was part of the group that I went out with. They knew that she would make sure I got home safely, which she always did. She was there listening Anja Niskanen with me and dreaming about whoever was the current boy I was "madly" in love with, she even delivered love letters on my behalf ;).

Even though we have lived in different cities or even on the other side of the world, I have always know she is there for me. She was there for my wedding day (and you can imagine me being the bridezilla) in Finland and in Tanzania too. She is Julius' godmother. No matter how much time passes, we always have the connection and I know I can call her even in the middle of the night. She has always balanced my life. I never have the pretend to be anything else than me if I'm around her.

I was watching this movie the other week the words from 01:33 were like talking about her. 




Happy 31st birthday my lovely Jaana. Hope you have a good one! You are the best friend anyone could ever hope for. I hope I can be half as good of a friend to you. Let's see if we can make it to 40 together ;).


Coming back from school day 1





Friday, October 18, 2013

Brothers...

Sweet moment I witnessed:
I'm downstairs watching tv after bedtime. The boys are still up reading books in their room.
Max drops something and starts crying äiti... Before I even have a second to respond I hear Julius saying: "don't cry Max, I'm here..."

Big fights = a lot of love, my guys <3



Monday, October 14, 2013

Older and wiser??

I'm 31, thirty one, today. When did this happen? I feel like I went to sleep at 27 and woke up 4 years later. This is another reason to keep up with the blogging. At least this way I can look back one day and see that oh, yes that's what happened. I get it now, this is why these years are called the rush hours years.

I don't feel old, and I don't think 31 is that old either. Growing up though it felt like when you're thirty you should be "done" with life. And on paper my life might seem like that I'm there: a house, husband, two kids and job but still I feel like screaming I don't even know what I WANT to do when I grow up, so how can I be thirty already???? Does anyone else feel lost at this age or did you find what you love to do?? 

I really don't mind being thirty-one, isn't the new hot thing to be fourty, so I still have 9 years to that, but the expectations that come with being a grown-up suck. Shouldn't life be a discovery that continues throughout your whole life? I still want to learn and experience and do different things... So happy birthday to me, another year has passed by while I was busy living life :) I think next year I will be many experiences richer, who knows maybe I will finally come up with what I want to do with my life.

Monday, October 7, 2013

The Angels of my life...

Saturday night I start feeling it. I'm getting sick and this is no joke. During the night I spend most of it in a hot bath since it seems to be the only place where the pain is not so horrible. I load up myself with pain killers and dread the morning when the little guys get up. When morning comes after sleeping for two hours I know I won't make it through the day without some reinforcements. Quick call to my dad and mom, my two emergency Angels. Dad will come for the morning shift and mom will try to make it after nap time. Pain is not getting any easier even though I'm taking 1g panadol. Fever stays the same.
With the help of my parents we survive the day. When I go pick up the giddos after my visit to the doctors I get greeted with big smiles and guilt of not spending the Sunday together subsides. Julius is asking if I am ok, do I need to go to the hospital, did I take my meds already and volunteers to hold my hand while we walk to the car so I won't get hurt. He makes sure that his little brother has his seatbelt on and reminds me to drive safely and stop when the trafficlight is red. My caregiving Angel.
Today I woke up when the smallest family member put his hand into mine and sighed "äiti".My little golden Angel. After a night of such a stuffy nose and a subsequently a dry mouth that I spent it dreaming of a coca cola glass that just would reach my mouth no matter how many times I would tilt it, wake up like that feels like I'm in heaven.
7:32. The best neighbors ever take over the morning routine, and get the kids to daycare on time. I get to rest and am told that there will be a lunch delivery later on in the day. Always there when you need someone the most. Everyday Angels who understand what it is to run a household alone and what moments of the day you need them the most. 
On top of this I got other offers to take the kids or help me otherwise. I would much rather have Tonny here to back me up when these situations arise, but I rest easier knowing that if I have an emergency, my boys will have easily 10 people making sure they are ok.
How lucky am I??? Thank you God for blessing my life with all these wonderful people. 




Thursday, October 3, 2013

Muumi Seikkailu Muutto

At the beginning of the fall I saw this new Arabia Muumi-mug in the shops and it stuck with me.
It’s called Move, New Adventure.

Then two weeks ago we made a decision that the whole family will be moving to Tanzania at the end of this year. The cup got even more meaning. New adventure. 

There are many reasons to justify this choice: rational, emotional, any kind. One of the decisive ones is Julius’ health, because he was doing perfectly while Tonny was here, and not so much since he left again. Stress on my kids is just not something I can live with. 

This way we get to be a family while Tonny is on his new adventure. It is scary, exciting, wonderful and sad all at the same time. We will have to leave many wonderful friends here in Finland, the amazing day care group that the boys are a part of, our beautiful home and of course family too. But luckily planes fly both ways and we can come back and the nearest and dearest can come to visit us too. I won’t mind leaving the cold Finland and seeing the ocean again. We also have family there, and the boys get to be with them and bond with them too. We all get to improve our swahili, and come back - which I know for sure one day we will - stronger, and our energies filled with an amazing life experience. 

My new philosophy in life is to live for me, and for the things that make me and my kids and my husband happy. Right now this is it. Just being together, no matter where in the world it will be, is what makes me happy. What fills me with pure joy just from being alive. And because of that feeling, I know, that even if the change will have some obstacles on the way, this decision is the right one to make.

We’re coming home baby….



The little Guy’s big birthday bash

Julius turned three at the end of August, but because we wanted Tonny to be part of his big day,
the party only took place September 14. He loves the Cars 2 movie (could be explained by the fact that he got to watch it way too many times during rush hour traffic in Tanzania, thank you iPad) and for a while we have been thinking that it might be cool to take him to his first real movie experience. So, what better than to test this as his b-day party. I found couple of amazing versions of this online (mostly from allthingsgd.com) and did my best. By no means could I reach her level, but something like it at least :D !

And no, we did not spend a fortune on this party. Actually if you take away the thank you-gifts, it was probably the cheapest birthday ever. We loved the opportunity of being able to invite all of his friends and family. No limitations needed because the space was vast, and easy for a big group of people. 

Birthday boy with his new favourite toy, it’s from the new Planes movie, so I guess we know what will be the next favourite thing



We rented the old Hervanta movie theatre called Cinola. Using a plain old projector, speakers and some decoration magic the place looked awesome. The amount of guests was well over fifty, but it was easy enough since there were enough seats for everyone, lots of toilets and plenty of room for kids to run around.




Every kid got to go home with their car themed toy, and a little licence plate- thank you card with their name on it



Birthday boy got to sit with his two favourite people Vaari and Miikka-eno


The snacks included movie stuff like popcorn, candies and nuts and raisins

Drinks bar




It was an amazing afternoon spent with friends and family. The pictures don’t seem to do it much justice, but trust me :) (Tonny was in charge of the camera, but he ended up enjoying his time with friends and family too much to remember to take any photos)

See: he was there, enjoying the smallest Missokia

Once again, happy birthday Julius! Next up, little Max will be turning two…. HAH!










Sunday, August 25, 2013

Julius is (almost) three!!!


I told the guy I want to take a picture of him as a three year old.. This is the pose he decided would suitable. I think the guy wants to be a model or something. Where on earth does he come up with this stuff, is beyond me.. 

He is the kindest, most loving little boy that I know. He is 99cm tall and weighs just under 15 kg. tall and thin like his baba. While we struggle with his health, he still enjoys life. At the moment he is missing his baba a lot, and this comes out as a lot of äiti hold me, don't leave me etc. but in general he is a happy little boy.

At three years (well almost) his absolute favorite person is uncle Miikka. Whenever he visits is like a Christmas and birthday put together. Julius still love music and really enjoys dancing and acting. We often get to witness elaborate scenes from Risto Räppääjä or Fireman Sam, costumes and all. He gets too much tv time, but I justify it to myself with the fact that unless he is sick, he never sits and stares, he is always too busy to act it out himself.

Julius, my little angel, have a happy birthday! Äiti and baba love you very very much. You express the purest joy whenever you see something that you like. Your face lights up and makes the whole world shine a bit brighter... Never let that go!


Sunday, August 18, 2013

Sunday burgers

I refuse this new "diet" to let us miss Sweet Sunday burgers, so today on the list were mini-burgers... Not the best buns but Julius-safe and the kids devoured them..

 
    Before the oven

    The end result with some sweet potato french-fries

I seriously need some help with the breads and buns, but until then this will keep us alive. On a positive note J is not itchy at all, can the diet really help so fast???



It's new day, it's a new world...

    Second trip to the shop

New products to play with, I'm all excited.. And I'm happy I got most of the products organic too.. And from the s-market close by. Convenience makes life easier...

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Boys just wanna have FUN

Last night Julius and Max's friend Diego came over for an impromptu sleep over. Bath time was the fave...

The photo does not do any justice because they were too busy to pose for me, but fun was had. <3





Going gluten, egg and milk free...

I've always loved the saying "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade". Well we've gotten some lemons recently. Julius has some severe allergies, well at the moment officially only birch and horse but last Monday the buys were a bit fluish still from the previous weekend's flu attack so they stayed home from daycare for an extra day. Julius woke up from his nap screaming "äiti, there is blood everywhere!" The few seconds it took me to run upstairs were torture, with all the scenarios in my head I was relieved to find both kids in one piece. The relief was short lived when I saw Julius' neck. I was bleeding and had no skin at all. While I was able to get the neck healing now his whole body reacted, and badly. Tuesday the situation looked like this


So I thanked God for insurance and got him a private doctor since the public side would just take too long. Thursday we went for loads of blood tests and while we are still waiting for results the doc put him (but in reality the whole family) on a strict diet. No dairy, no wheat, oat, rye, barley or egg. The trip got the shop was a bit of a disaster, but we're adjusting. The good news is that after two days on this diet he look like this:


The improvement is amazing. I'm just praying it lasts and that we would finally find a reason for it. I'm sick of hearing the words atopic eczema because I firmly believe (I know I'm not a doctor) that there has to be a trigger and a reason for this. While I never wish for my little man to have allergies or have gluten issues, it would be a huge relief to find a reason. Luckily we have so many options nowadays and Finland is well supplied in gluten free products. After a while, I think it will be easy enough to deal with. Thanks to facebook I got so many comforting comments that now I feel like it is not a big deal, and that it seems that almost every family has to deal with something like this...


Friday, August 2, 2013

Never ending project: me

There's been very few moments in my life that I have actually felt good about my body. First too small, then bad skin, too big, too something else. My high school graduation is actually the ONLY moment I can remember (if you don't count early childhood when you don't even think of these things) And that was quite a while ago already. I've spent most of my life feeling ugly. Thinking when I hear people laughing, they're laughing at me. When people pass me by, they must think I'm disgusting. A waste of space. I could Never say no to anyone, because they might not want to be my friend anymore. In my life I have had some people, Tonny especially, who have made me feel I'm ok, and that they find me beautiful. But I've felt it as how they see me, never how I see myself. 

When I turned thirty last year I decided enough is enough. This endless feeling of sadness when I look into the mirror. But I didn't want a quick fix, because I have tried those before, I wanted a change, a total mind, body and soul transformation. And it took time. For the first couple of months I didn't even do anything about my body. I was looking for HOW to do it in a way that would finally lead to success. I finally found an exercise program that made me push hard, so I could feed the competitive side of myself, and yet it couldn't take up too much time or money so that I would and could stick to it no matter what. Chris Powell's book choose to lose helped me a lot. It simplified it, gave me basic ground to start from. I started 31.12.. Weighing 73 kilos on that day. The progress was good and while I was still struggling it made sense, and gave me hope. Unfortunately pneumonia, influenza, and an ear infection made me sick for two months... After that there was a long way to bounce back. Moments when i just wanted to give up. So I took it slow and decided to work on my mind and soul for a while. Reading books that shaped my life and how I saw food. I think that this was actually the fact that finally made me bounce back and gain confidence I lost at the age of 9 by bullies at school. I know who I am now and all of a sudden my weight started falling off again.

I still have five kilos to drop to reach my original goal of 57 kg, but surprisingly yesterday before my evening workout I looked into the mirror and actually liked what I saw. I smiled. I know I will drop the weight, but even if I wouldn't I know now I don't have to to like myself anymore. I feel sad that the little girl that was called too skinny, white and small, had friends one day and then no one would speak to her the next day, got so lost that I took me all this time to find her and learn that it's ok to love her again. I don't know why they decided it was ok to kill my confidence, I guess they didn't know how deeply they hurt me back then. I'm finally free. I'm finally me again.

    Happy me before a workout


Maiju

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Home again...

We've been home for two weeks now, and exhausted is the word. The kids are only starting day care on 29th so on top of managing the house, food, laundry, a full time job, I need to manage babysitters and drive the kids around. One more week then back to normal... Somehow we'll make it. 

In the middle of all this I'm yearning for control and organization. Thus a closet re-organization..
Here are the results:

When the stress becomes too much, I just sit and stare at this heaven of organization. Everything has it's place. And it's tagged so I can find them quick and easy, and when T returns, he can also keep everything in order.. Don't worry love, I saved some space for you too ;).