ÁMATE

Love yourself.

I read a book yesterday: Jennifer Lopez book. I know. How very shallow of me. But what I thought would be just an easy read, full of gossip and fun stuff actually touched me very deeply. What started out as a world tour picture book for her turned into a more indepth self search. I choose to believe that her words were genuine (I'm not that jaded yet) and it took me also on an interesting thought process.

I've been wondering why exactly is it that I feel so much more at peace here than in my home country. On paper I have so much less here than I had in Finland but I feel more confident, empowered, strong and in touch with myself than I did before. Now, I'm not saying it is the country and I would not have felt this way  back home but it (the move) certainly acted as a catalyst to change. I feel very strongly that paring down earthly possessions allowed me to look inside. 

Reading Jennifer's book though made me realize that I am not done yet. The years of self doubt has left marks that take a long time to heal, but I'm doing so much better already! Finding my strength also helps me to think and figure out what do I want. What do I really want. Well actually more what I don't want at this point but I'm sure it'll turn into wants too..

I don't want to live my life the way others want me to live it.

I don't want to posses things just because it's the hottest hot or expected.

I don't want to wake up 80 one day and regret missed opportunities or skipped opportunities because of fear. 

I want to take time for me and my family to really be together and I want to learn to love myself. My failings and flaws and shortcomings and all that that in the western society are excellent at hiding. I believe that very simple sentence that guided me in gymnastics "no pain, no gain" years ago, applies to my life too. Just breezing through years without actually taking the time to learn or even really live would in the end cause even more pain, than taking some risks and chances along the way.

Oh I must be getting old... But hey isn't that what life is really about???